I want to veer from the normal rhythm of these blog posts in this one. Normally, my goal is to help move what we are teaching deeper within your heart so that you teach your preschoolers or kids from the overflow—from your delight in the gospel and God. But in this post, I want to share an important and helpful strategy in Song of Songs 8 with you that can help you in your ministry role, but also one that you might want to pass along to your parents as you partner with them to help disciple their kids.

The Context

There are a couple of main ways to interpret Song of Songs. Some see it as a word picture of our relationship with Christ. Others see it as Solomon retelling of an account with one of his many wives. Those who prefer the former interpretation point out that Solomon was far from the ideal candidate to share marriage advice. Those who prefer the latter interpretation point out that marriage is critical, so it doesn’t seem like a stretch for God to provide at least one book of the Bible about it. For the record, I fall in the second camp—I think this is a book about marriage—but no matter which interpretation you hold, the principle we are going to talk about is unchanged. Song of Songs opens by introducing us to a woman who is self-conscious because of her skin. She explains that she has been in the sun quite a bit because her brothers made her work in the vineyard (1:6). It seems that their parents have died, leaving the brothers to care for their sister, which is important to know for what will follow.

The Principle

We hear directly from the brothers in chapter 8:

8 Our sister is young; she has no breasts. What will we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? 9 If she is a wall, we will build a silver barricade on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with cedar planks. (Song of Songs 8:8-9 CSB)

This is a flashback from the woman’s perspective. She is recalling what her brothers, again, acting as her guardians, did for her when she was a young girl (when they say she had no breasts, they are referring to her as a prepubescent girl). Their question centers on how they would protect her purity for her future husband. Their response is simple, yet profound. If she is a wall, they would reward her. Walls keep things out, so basically they are saying that if she shows that she takes her purity seriously, they will reward for her faithfulness. However, if she is a door—something that is designed to let people in and out—they would enclose her with cedar planks. In other words, they would construct a barricade for her because she would have proven to have failed in this area.

Applying the Principle

While the context of this passage is purity (and by the way, the woman reveals she was a wall well into her adulthood in v. 10), it provides a fantastic general parenting principle. The goal of parenting is to release kids into the world, and the best way to do that is gradually. Some parents may be tempted to hold onto their kids as tightly as possible until the last moment, but this isn’t good for anyone. Rather, the principle we see here, saturated with wisdom, is that parents are better to reward their children with additional freedoms as they prove themselves faithful. But if and when they prove otherwise, parents are to step in and restrict that freedom for their kid’s wellbeing. When parents follow this principle, they give their kids the opportunity to live according to God’s plan for their lives. They are able to make decisions, because of the freedom given them, to follow Jesus and then experience the goodness of doing so. All within the safety of loving parents being ready and able to step in to steer their kids back to faithfulness if they go astray. Chosen obedience to Christ is much more beautiful than mandated obedience.

Jesus love me! this I know, For the Bible tells me so; Little ones to Him belong; They are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus love me, The Bible tells me so.” — Anna B. Warner (1827-1915)

Preschool Tip: Consider using this week’s session to follow up on last week’s where we helped preschoolers know they can turn to God for wisdom to make right choices. This week, you can help them see how that making right decisions will help them live more like Jesus. You might want to take some time and help them think through what Jesus is like—His love, kindness, humility, and so forth—so that they might begin to connect the dots of how they too should demonstrate those traits. Kids Tip: You may want to take this opportunity to survey these books that we aren’t able to dive deeply into. If time allows, you might want to take your kids to some of the key passages in each (yes, even Song of Songs; there are some “safe” passages in it). [1] Anna B. Warner, “Jesus Loves Me,” in Baptist Hymnal (Nashville, TN: Lifeway Worship, 2008), 652.